OCD Response Phrases That Actually Work (And How to Use Them)
Oct 07, 2026
You've probably heard you're supposed to say something to yourself when an intrusive thought hits. Maybe you've tried "maybe, maybe not." Maybe someone told you to say "it's just a thought." Maybe you tried agreeing with it and it felt horrifying. Maybe none of it worked, or it worked for a second and the thought came right back.
Here's the thing: the phrases aren't magic. Said the wrong way, aimed at the wrong target, they do nothing. Said the right way, they can be a powerful tool. Here's exactly how to use them.
FIRST, THIS
What These Phrases Are Actually For
They're not to make you feel better. They're not reassurance. They're not a way to convince yourself everything is fine. They're diffusion tools — they create distance between you and the thought.
Instead of the thought being a command you have to respond to, it becomes something your brain produced — something you can notice without obeying.
A lot of people use these phrases as a compulsion without realizing it. They say "maybe, maybe not" and secretly hope the anxiety goes away — hoping it's more on the "maybe not" side. That's not what we're doing. Keep that in mind as we go through each one.
PHRASE #1
"Maybe, Maybe Not"
This is the one I use most and also the most misunderstood. The question I get most often: if I say "maybe, maybe not" to a thought about hurting my child, does that mean I'm accepting that I might actually do it?
No. Here's what it actually means: we cannot predict the future. OCD is constantly making predictions — the stove will catch fire, you'll lose control, something terrible will happen — and demanding you respond to these predictions as if they're already facts.
"Maybe, maybe not" is your way of saying: I don't actually know what's going to happen. Nobody does. And I'm not going to treat your prediction as real.
The common mistake: Using it on the surface level. Standing at the stove, knowing it's off, and saying "maybe it's on, maybe it's not" — that feels like lying. Because it is. That's not what you're targeting. Find the core fear underneath: what if I'm responsible? What if it's my fault? What if my kids get hurt? That's what "maybe, maybe not" is aimed at.
"Maybe the worst thing I'm afraid of happens. I don't know. And I'm going to live my life anyway instead of spending it protecting against a future nobody can guarantee."
PHRASE #2
"So What?"
This one is blunter and works really well when "maybe, maybe not" feels too soft.
- โ "I'm still anxious. So what? I'm making lunch anyway."
- โ "That thought just showed up again. So what?"
- โ "The anxiety is a seven. So what? I'm going anyway."
"So what" refuses to treat the thought as something that requires a response. You're hearing the alarm go off and walking past it. You're not trying to disarm it, fix it, or understand it. You're just letting the batteries die. The alarm slows down when you stop tinkering with it.
PHRASE #3
Total Agreement
This one makes people uncomfortable — which is actually why it works. Instead of sitting with uncertainty, you go the other direction. You fully agree with what OCD is predicting.
- โ OCD: "The house might burn down." You: "Yeah, I hope so. Free housing. Sounds great."
- โ OCD: "You might go to jail." You: "Honestly, cool. Three meals a day. No responsibilities. They have a gym."
People panic hearing this: but I don't actually want these things to happen. Saying I hope it does makes it more likely. That's actually why agreement works — it shows that thoughts are thoughts and feelings are feelings. They don't have to mean something unless you put meaning on them.
Important note: I don't use agreement on taboo thoughts directly. I'm not saying "I hope I hurt my kid." Instead, I find the core fear — I'll lose my family, I'll go to jail, I'll lose everything — and agree with that. Agreeing with a threat stops the argument. When you stop fighting and defending, OCD has nothing to push against.
Think of a sibling who keeps pestering you. If you keep arguing back, the conversation keeps going. If you just say "you're totally right, thank you, I love that" — what else do they have to say? That's how the brain works too. If you're not fighting, it slows down the dialogue.
PHRASE #4
Noticing
Some people prefer simple noticing:
- โ "I notice the thought that I might be a bad person."
- โ "I notice the thought that something bad might happen."
- โ "Thanks, brain. Cool thought. Interesting one."
This creates distance without arguing, agreeing, or engaging with the content. You're just observing what your brain produced, the way you'd observe weather passing.
Which One Should You Use?
Whichever one you want. Don't wait for three therapists to confirm it's the right one. Try it. See what works for your specific OCD theme and your specific core fear. Trust yourself a little bit.
But here's the thing that matters most: the phrases need to be paired with an action. Don't just say them. What are you going to do? Touch something? Look at a picture? Go engage with the thing that triggered you? What's the action?
Phrases aimed at the core fear plus a real action — that's where OCD actually starts losing its grip.
If you want help finding your core fear so you can aim these phrases at the right target, there's a free worksheet linked below the video. The Master Your OCD course also walks through exactly how to use each of these in your ERP practice. You can try it free.
Nathan Peterson, LCSW — Licensed therapist specializing in OCD, anxiety, and related conditions. Nathan has helped thousands of people through evidence-based treatment and education.
LCSW Licensed Therapist | 10,000+ Course Students | 24M+ YouTube Views | Penguin Random House Author
 |
Put these phrases to work in a full ERP planMaster Your OCD shows you exactly how to combine response phrases with real exposures — and how to find the core fear you're actually targeting.
|
Author
