You're Doing ERP Wrong (Here's the Mindset Shift)
Sep 23, 2026
I'm doing the exposure. I'm touching the door handle. I'm sitting here. I'm waiting.
Is the anxiety gone yet? Still a seven? Maybe I'll just wait until it's a three and then I've done it.
If that sounds like your ERP practice, you might be thinking about exposures the wrong way. Here's the mindset shift that changes everything.
THE PROBLEM
You're Negotiating With OCD
A friend made me do a cold plunge recently. I didn't want to be there. I went in, fought my way through it, tensed my whole body, and got out way too fast. Everyone laughed.
Here's what I did wrong: I spent the whole time trying to make it tolerable. Just get through the moment. And that's exactly what a lot of people do with ERP.
When you do exposures that way, you're negotiating with OCD: "I'll face this fear as long as the anxiety eventually goes away. How long do I have to stay? As long as I get something out of it." OCD wins because it's setting its own goal for you.
Monitoring your anxiety level, waiting for relief, measuring whether it's working — that's a compulsion. You're still trying to make the discomfort go away. That's not ERP.
The Mindset Shift
ERP isn't "I'm doing this so I can get through it." It's:
"I'm touching this thing. I'm going to sit with it. We'll see what happens. Any threat my brain throws at me — maybe, maybe not. I really don't know. I guess anything's possible. Cool. Awesome."
The anxiety might drop. It might stay at an eight. Who knows? That's not the point. The point is: what did your brain learn?
Your brain said this was dangerous. You did it anyway. Where's the catastrophe? That's what it's learning. Not that the anxiety went away — that you're willing to risk it.
3 STEPS TO MAXIMIZE YOUR EXPOSURES
Do This Before, During, and After
Before: Ask one question
Am I doing this to feel calm, or to be brave?
If the honest answer is to feel calm, stop. Re-evaluate. Reframe it: "I'm doing this because it moves me toward the life I want, not because it makes the anxiety disappear." You don't have to fully believe it yet. Fake it till you make it. But get the goal right before you start.
During: Set a time limit, not a feeling limit
Waiting until anxiety drops by half can trap you — you're just sitting there monitoring, checking, waiting. Is it better yet? Is it better yet? That's a compulsion.
Instead, set a timer. 5 minutes. 10 minutes. Stay in for that time regardless of how you feel. When it goes off, ask yourself if you can go a little longer — not because you're waiting for relief, but because you're choosing to stay. Or don't even set a timer. I'll finish when I finish.
During: Use the right response phrases
Not "this will be fine, just stay in long enough, this thought isn't real." That's reassurance. Instead:
- ✓ "I'm still anxious. Maybe I'll be anxious for a while. Cool. I'll go have lunch anyway."
- ✓ "I really don't know. Anything's possible. Sure."
- ✓ "So what? Cool. Awesome. Love the feeling. Hope it lasts all day."
THE REAL SHIFT
From "How Do I Get Rid of This?" to "So What If It Stays?"
That's the whole shift. Not how do I make this go away, but: so what if it stays? I'm still going to live my life exactly how I want to. That's why it works.
Imagine yourself in the cold plunge. Freezing. Everything screaming to get out. What advice would you give a friend who was in there? Relax your body. Breathe. Use your uncertainty phrases. Be in the moment.
Now give yourself that same advice. That's probably what you need.
If you want a complete step-by-step ERP system with worksheets, tracking tools, and 67 videos walking you through exactly how to do exposures for your specific theme, the Master Your OCD course has all of it. You can try it free.
Nathan Peterson, LCSW — Licensed therapist specializing in OCD, anxiety, and related conditions. Nathan has helped thousands of people through evidence-based treatment and education.
LCSW Licensed Therapist | 10,000+ Course Students | 24M+ YouTube Views | Penguin Random House Author
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Get the complete ERP systemMaster Your OCD walks you through exactly how to do exposures — including the right mindset, the right phrases, and how to track your progress without turning it into a compulsion.
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