Your OCD Questions Answered: From Fake It Till You Make It to Meta-Anxiety

I asked you what questions you had about your OCD, and you delivered. So today, I'm doing something different—I'm going straight to my videos and answering your questions directly from the comments. Let's dive in.

Does "Fake It Till You Make It" Actually Work for OCD?

First question: "It sounds like when you boil it down, the goal is to simply not care. And you get to that stage through a bit of fake it till you make it routine."

That is it. I mean, I love the "fake it till you make it" concept. It works in most aspects of life. But when your brain is throwing out a signal that says you are in danger, you're a bad person, you could hurt somebody, you're responsible—whatever it is—and you react to it by doing a compulsion to figure it out, then you're saying, "You know what, you might have been accurate."

So when we're faking it and saying, "You know what, I'm not 100% sure, but I'm going to act like I don't care. I got a big smile on my face. Yeah, cool. I could do this thing. Awesome. Thanks for the thoughts today. Oh wow, you came back. I love that you're here. Such an important event in my life and I'm so glad I'm feeling anxious. Thank you."

It sends those signals right back that say, "Bro, nope. I don't care. You can keep telling me I'm in danger, but look how much I don't care." So if the brain's learning that, OCD is learning that, and it's saying, "Maybe I need to stop telling you you're in danger because you don't really seem to be giving into this thing anymore."

How to Stop Confessing and Revealing Things to Your Partner

Here's a question about relationship OCD: "The anxiety keeps finding more things in my past to reveal to my partner and is making me doubt that I even did that or not. It's been difficult as I feel I'm in constant overanalyzing everything and solving things and at the same time trying to resist. It's never good enough."

That's what I've learned—that you can confess this one thing to your partner or whoever else, and they're like, "I don't care." And then your brain goes, "Oh no, what about this other thing I did? Oh, what about this? What about my intention though? I explained the story but my intention was different."

It's going to find something. OCD is not satisfied. Which is why we take these moments from the past and we say, "Okay, number one, can I learn from this experience? Yeah, I never want to do that again. I want to teach my kids never to do that." Learn from it. It's not to feel guilt and shame for the rest of your life.

It's to say we make mistakes. That's life. What am I doing now though? Because I'm living life here and this is where I want to keep living. So we resist the urge to confess and we sit with it. And whatever threat comes to your brain—"They don't want to be with me if they knew this thing"—yeah, maybe, maybe not. Those are those magic words we keep using.

Waiting for Medical Test Results Without Spiraling

"I'd sell my soul for advice on how to get through waiting for medical test results. I'm white knuckling as we speak after a routine mammogram."

I get that, man. We can have these normal natural things that we worry about. I want to know my test results. Most people would want to know that. So if OCD has grasped onto that and wants to make it a way bigger deal, we can actually still be okay saying maybe, maybe not.

Maybe it's positive, maybe it's negative, maybe it's positive, maybe it's negative. I don't know. Until I get some real good confirmation, my job is not to problem solve because I can't do anything about it, but they're going to let me know instead of me seeking it out. I hope things went well.

When Your Wife Doesn't Text Back: Is She Dead or Is It OCD?

"Does the maybe maybe not attitude work for thoughts like your wife hasn't read your message. She's picking up your daughter. What if she had a crash? Maybe they've been killed."

Yep, works the same because it doesn't matter what the threat is unless you have some really good evidence. I'm on the phone with my wife and I hear, "Oh no! Oh, fire! Get out of the car!" Okay, I'm not sitting there like, "I wonder if they got in a car crash." No, I'm going to respond to what I'm hearing.

But if I'm not on the phone with her and I'm just like, "Man, she usually texts me back in 5 minutes. It's been 15 minutes. I wonder if she's okay. I wonder if there's a car crash. Let me check the news. Let me see if anybody posted on Facebook. Let me call. Let me call again." That's OCD running the show.

How Often Should You Actually Go to the Doctor?

Someone asked about constantly seeking reassurance from doctors and how to stop.

Here's the thing: we can get one appointment—sometimes one question. "I need to know, am I healthy? I got a lump on my neck, whatever it is." And they're like, "You're good. Found nothing. You're great. Keep living." We've got to go with it. Even if we think they're wrong, unless we have some really good evidence.

I just filmed a video on health anxiety. I hope that can help you. But I also like the concept of how can I make this more inconvenient for myself to do this compulsion? Do I remove the number from my phone? Do I tell the doctor, "Hey, if I message you, please don't respond or message me with a maybe maybe not"? Sometimes doctors will do that.

Meta-Anxiety: What If I Don't Feel Anxious Anymore?

"I had another ERP session yesterday and it's funny how I've been so used to living with anxiety as certainty for connection. Now I get fearful of if anxiety isn't there. What if I don't really care?"

Oh man, that's that meta-anxiety OCD that pops in. "I'm supposed to feel anxious about this. If I don't, then I need to feel guilty. I'm supposed to feel anxious." It becomes such a natural feeling. You want it gone, but do you also feel weird that it's not there?

So we use exposures with that. "I love that I'm not feeling anxious right now. Maybe makes me a bad person. I don't know. My goal is to take value away from this thing."

Earworms: Songs Stuck in Your Head

"Earworms drive me insane sometimes. And always really beautiful but painful sad songs."

You know, I don't think I've done an actual video on earworms yet. Earworms can be something that is just replaying in your brain over and over and over, or it's a song, or it's the trend of the month, or whatever it is. Our brain just wants to keep thinking about it, and the more we try to push it away, it's going to keep coming back.

One person said, "I can 100% relate. Lasts for months or two and then goes away. It's so frustrating."

Using ERP for Earworms

We can actually use exposure response prevention for this. Our job is to say, "Man, this song that keeps coming in my head, let me go listen to it on purpose. Let me write out the lyrics. This one sound I keep hearing, let me just keep hearing it, and I'm going to dance to it. I'm gonna act like I don't care and this thing doesn't matter and I love it and I hope you stay all day. Woo, another two weeks of this! This is awesome!"

It's just fake it till you make it, like we said at the beginning. How can I take value away from this thing?

Going Through Real Medical Issues While Doing OCD Treatment

"How to keep going through treatment when actually going through something tough, a medical issue, uncertainty."

There are some real things that happen. And believe it or not, when there are uncertainties, especially with medical issues, things that have happened in our life, what happens after this life, death, all that stuff—we can actually still be uncertain about it. We know what we know. We don't know what we don't know. And there's answers that we can't gather.

Sometimes treatment is just saying, "Let me go live my life. What am I going to do today? I'm going to go help somebody in need. I'm going to go to work. I'm going to drive my car. I'm going to smile at three people today. That is my goal."

So treatment doesn't have to be like, "I'm going to be sitting at my desk and I'm going to be watching these videos. I'm going to write out this script and I'm going to be facing my fears." It doesn't always have to be that. Sometimes it's just living life.

When Should You Stop Watching OCD Videos?

"At what stages do I consider myself okay and stop watching your videos or trolling through the internet?"

You can never stop watching my videos. Just kidding. This is one of those weird channels that's like, I love for you to watch, but at the same time don't use it for reassurance.

Sometimes you've got to trust in yourself. "I need some extra tips. Let me watch some videos. I need a laugh here and there. Hey, I'll watch this one about memes or whatever." That's what this is for. Some people don't have access to therapy and treatment. That's definitely why I have my course too—Master Your OCD.

But ultimately, you kind of ask yourself: Why am I watching this? Do I just want to feel understood? Do I want to support Nate? Or am I doing it because I need to find an answer for myself and I'm freaking out? That might be a compulsion. Maybe delay watching the video for a while.

The Power of Not Engaging with OCD

One person commented: "You know something for sure deep down inside of you, but your mind keeps doubting and compels you to think about the whole situation, a past event. What I did, I accepted the threat my mind threw at me. The anxiety slowly started to fade away. So the takeaway would be to not engage in the conversation in your mind. Rather accept what it's telling you."

You're right. The more we don't engage in the conversation of OCD, it can sit there. It can be behind the jail cell and it's like, "Get me out! What about this? Remember this past thing you did? Blah blah blah. This person just got arrested. Whatever."

You can just keep walking by. You don't have to look at it. You can hear it, but you don't have to respond. You can smile. "Let me out!" And you're like, "What's up, boy? So glad you're there. All right, I'm gonna keep moving on. Bye." Just keep moving on.

Final Thoughts

These questions show just how creative and persistent OCD can be. But the principles stay the same: maybe, maybe not. Don't engage. Take the value away. Keep living your life.

If you want me to answer your question in a future video, ask your questions in the comments. I love your support, and I'll see you next time.