Why Intrusive Thoughts Feel So Disturbing (And How to Handle Them)

Intrusive thoughts aren't disturbing because they're dark, weird, or upsetting. They're disturbing because of the way we interpret them, the way we react to them. The thought itself is just brain noise. But the meaning we give it makes it feel so heavy.

Here's the truth that changes everything: every person has intrusive thoughts. Like, everyone. The difference is that some people's brains just let it pass, while others—maybe people with OCD—their brain latches onto it and says, "You've got to figure this one out. This means something about you."

In this article, I'm going to show you exactly why OCD makes these thoughts and feelings feel so terrible, and I'm going to give you step-by-step strategies to break this cycle. Some of these techniques might surprise you, but they're backed by research and they work.

The Foundation: Intrusive Thoughts Are Harmless

Let's start with the foundation that everything else builds on: intrusive thoughts by themselves are harmless. They're just thoughts. Your brain is randomly firing signals all day long. It produces snippets of songs, images, sensations, daydreams. The thought itself is not dangerous. It's not evidence that you want to act on it.

Now, I know some of you are going to use that statement for reassurance. Don't do that. But some people literally just don't know this basic fact, and sometimes we need to share it.

The OCD Cycle That Keeps You Stuck

Here's what happens in the typical OCD cycle: You have a thought. You feel a wave of anxiety. Your brain screams, "What if this means something awful about me?" To calm down, you perform a compulsion.

Maybe it's a mental compulsion—replaying the thought over and over and over again, reassuring yourself, checking how you feel when you have that thought. Maybe you go research it to see if other people have the same thought. Maybe you pray or seek comfort from someone.

For a moment, you feel better. The relief hits. Then your brain says, "Oh, you figured it out. You're not dangerous." But then it follows up with: "But are you sure though? You just had this thought again. You figured it out and then you had the thought again. So it must mean something, right? So go do all those compulsions you just did."

It's a cycle: the thought, the anxiety, the compulsion, the temporary relief. And then the brain learns, "I know what you need to do next time."

ERP: The Gold Standard Treatment

So what are the tools we use to break this cycle? Exposure and Response Prevention—ERP. This is a therapy technique that works differently than what most people try to do with their intrusive thoughts.

Instead of challenging the thoughts with statements like "No, I'm a good person. I would never do this. That's not who I am. I wasn't raised this way," we're not doing that. We're not running away from the thoughts. We're not doing the compulsions. We're facing it. We expose ourselves to the discomfort of the thought.

The Car Engine Analogy

Think of it like this: You're standing near a loud car engine that's revving. At first, the noise feels overwhelming. But if you don't cover your ears and you don't run away, your body gradually adjusts to it. It's uncomfortable. The intensity stays there, but it can't stay forever. It fades on its own without you having to fix it. The anxiety starts to fade naturally.

How to Sit With Disturbing Thoughts

Here's an example of how ERP works in practice. Imagine your brain says, "What if I just lost control and hurt somebody?" In ERP, you would allow that thought to be there without acting on anything. You're not using reassurance. You're not mentally checking.

You're going to sit with that thought. Your body's going to say, "You're going to feel this forever." And you respond with, "Yeah, man. Awesome. Hope so. Cool." You're not doing the compulsion. Maybe you're even engaging with something that makes you feel that feeling even more—a picture, an image, writing something down.

The "Maybe, Maybe Not" Strategy

We use a lot of "maybe, maybe not" statements. Maybe some agreeing statements. "Yeah. Maybe, maybe not." OCD hates the maybe. You will feel better. It might not be 100%, but your brain says, "Okay, here we go. I told you the only way to feel better was to do this compulsion, but you just proved me wrong. So maybe I need to stop telling you to do that compulsion because you're feeling better and you didn't do it. So maybe you weren't really in danger in the first place."

Non-Engagement Responses (NERs)

We use something called NERs as well—non-engagement responses. The idea isn't to crush the thought or talk yourself out of it. Here's what it might look like in practice.

If you had a thought that says, "What if I push someone onto the train tracks?" you might respond with, "Well, I guess I'd get a really good arm workout." Does that sound weird? It sounds so weird to say. It sounds ridiculous, but the brain just gave you something ridiculous.

We're giving a response like, "I don't care." I have to see some really good evidence that I'm really in danger, but I'm not looking for it. I can have a thought, an urge, a feeling, but I'm not going to respond unless I can physically see danger placed right in front of me. I am not engaging with this thought.

The Power of Not Responding

Sometimes that's really what these NERs are—recognizing that you actually don't have to do anything. You don't have to say "maybe, maybe not." You don't have to agree with it. You don't have to do anything.

What do you think your brain thinks when you're sitting there and you just responded to a harm thought with "you're going to get an arm workout"? It's like, "Oh my goodness, you're really in danger," but then it doesn't know what to do with that because you just said "I don't care."

Mindfulness and Cognitive Defusion

We can use another method called mindfulness—and don't run away at the mention of mindfulness. There's something called cognitive defusion that's incredibly helpful. Defusion teaches you to step back and see the thought as just a mental event.

You're there, you're having a thought, and you don't have to do anything with it. "Cool, man. I'm having a thought. Oh, yeah. I feel that urge. Yep. There's that thought again. Awesome. Glad this is here." Just sitting there and noticing.

The Cloud and Leaf Metaphors

It's almost like you take a step back and notice yourself having the thought. That person's having a thought. It doesn't have to be good, doesn't have to be bad.

Have you heard of people who say, "Okay, just imagine the cloud. It's moving on by. It's a leaf that's going down the river"? I mean, it sounds silly, but it actually kind of works just to say, "Hi, thought. You're on that leaf, working your way down the river. That's amazing. Hey, how'd you get back around? Awesome. Let me notice that again. Thanks, thought." Just notice.

Making Thoughts Ridiculous

Have you ever tried taking your thoughts and turning them into something that's just kind of ridiculous? "Oh yeah, man. Something totally bad's going to happen right now. I'm so scared." It takes all the value away from it. By stripping the seriousness out of it, your brain gradually says, "What are you doing? You're in danger. Why are you not acting on it?"

Key Takeaways

Intrusive thoughts feel disturbing, and that's okay. If they feel disturbing, that's all right. We don't have to do anything about it. We're not pushing it away. Let the gate open. The thought can go out if it wants to anytime. It can come back in. In and out, in and out. Doesn't matter. Let it be.

You can say, "Hi, thought. Thanks for being here," and focus on what you're doing in your life. Are you cooking? Are you sending a text? Are you on the computer? Hanging out with a friend? Keep doing that.

OCD's grip will weaken over time when you're not giving it any power. The thoughts might still show up, but they won't control you anymore. That's the difference between managing OCD and letting OCD manage you.

Where to Start

I know sometimes these techniques can be confusing because you're thinking, "Okay, where do I start? My thoughts don't match exactly what's being described here." That's normal. Every person's OCD is a little different, even though the underlying mechanics are the same.

If you have a therapist who specializes in OCD and ERP, that's the best place to start. If you don't have access to a specialist, there are resources available that walk you through every theme of OCD, what exposures could look like for it, worksheets, and all the practical steps you need to take.

The key is to start somewhere. Pick one technique from this article—whether it's "maybe, maybe not," non-engagement responses, or cognitive defusion—and practice it the next time an intrusive thought shows up. You don't have to be perfect at it. You just have to be willing to try responding differently than you have been.

That's where recovery begins: in those small moments when you choose not to engage with the thought, not to do the compulsion, and to keep moving forward with your life despite the discomfort.