What does sitting with anxiety really mean

Have you ever heard somebody say that you just need to sit with the feelings? What the heck does this mean? Just sit with it. Well, sitting with the feeling is a little more complicated than you might think. We're gonna go over what this actually means, and how to do it step-by-step.

Imagine you’re in the midst of a storm of obsessive thoughts and anxiety. They're swirling around you, making you feel overwhelmed and panicked. It's like being caught in a tornado of your own mind.

But here's the thing – you don't have to run away from the storm. You don't have to fight against it either. Instead, you can learn to sit right in the middle of it, calmly and confidently.

This is where exposure and response prevention, or ERP, comes into play. It's a cornerstone of OCD treatment. With ERP, you gradually expose yourself to the situations or triggers that set off your OCD and anxiety, but without engaging in the usual compulsive behaviors. (you know those things you want to do to feel better)

How to sit with anxiety

Now, let me break it down into a simple step-by-step process for you:
Step 1: Identify the trigger – What is it that's setting off your OCD and anxiety? Maybe it's a specific thought, situation, or even a physical sensation.

Step 2: Allow yourself to feel the discomfort – Instead of trying to push the feelings away or escape from them, acknowledge them. Accept that they're there, but remember, they don't define you.

Step 3: Ride the wave – Just like waves in the ocean, emotions come and go. So, rather than trying to stop them or control them, let them wash over you. Trust that they will eventually pass.

P.s. I’ve got some ride the wave shirt and stickers in my merch store. (wink)

Simple right? Well, not exactly. It's tough to not go into problem-solving mode when we're feeling major anxiety. Or really any discomfort. But that is what sitting with the feeling means. I'm choosing to not say it's good or bad. I'm not putting any judgment on this feeling. I'm not catastrophizing.

I am allowing myself to feel the feeling and not do a single thing about it. Even after I'm done feeling the feeling I don't say OK well now I can solve it.

What we know is that a feeling cannot last forever. And we choose the value it has by the actions we take. If you feel anxiety and you immediately do something to get it to go away then the brain learns that this is a big deal and I'm gonna keep reminding you of anxiety.

However, what do you think is going to learn when I simply do nothing. It's going to say, this person really does not care about this as much as I thought they did. It's possible I need to stop reminding them of potential threats, and what ifs.

No, it doesn't learn this just the first time you try it. It's a skill that you have over and over and over again.

Sit with the anxiety feeling

Sitting with the feeling means that you can just notice how your body is feeling. How's your breath, your heart rate, your head. Describe what it feels like without putting any judgment whatsoever. Give yourself permission to have the feeling and allowed to move all by itself if it wants to.

Permission is an important word! When is the last time we gave ourselves permission to have a thought. Even when it’s scary. Strange, or taboo.

I tend to use the analogy of getting into a really cold swimming pool. If we fight it, it’s more painful and lasts longer. If we just jump in, it doesn’t feel good, but if we spend time acting like we simply don’t care how cold it is….and in fact choosing to just live life. Eventually, we forget about how cold it is. It’s like a switch has been flipped.

Imagine jumping into the freezing pool and jumping back out immediately. Will your brain ever have the opportunity to realize the pools not so bad? Nope. You’ll continue going on with the narrative that pools are cold.

It’s all about what we can teach the brain. It’s learned patterns that are incorrect. Let’s fix this once and for all.

Sitting with it means, we’re not putting a hierarchy of thoughts together. I can allow this one, but I can’t allow that one. That’s where people tend to falter. People often tell me…but my thoughts are different.

Don’t fall for that one. In fact, I have a video on how they aren’t different here.

So my friends, I scratch the service with OCD treatment here, for a more step-by-step approach, look in the description for my master your OCD course.

I’m curious what your experiences have been when you “sit with anxiety”