Master Your OCD
OCD Family Support
Hair Pulling/Skin Picking
OCD Ninja Club

Am I gay or in denial? Sexual orientation OCD (HOCD)

hocd help hocd treatment homosexual ocd treatment sexual orientation ocd treatment Apr 25, 2022
HOCD treatment Gay

Sexual Orientation OCD Treatment

So I have a few videos on sexual orientation ocd or HOCD and inevitably, someone will comment. "how do I know I'm not just using OCD as an excuse to hide that I am gay." Man, I don't blame you, I'd want to know this answer myself. Well in this video, my attempt is to answer this question WITHOUT providing reassurance; which we all know is a compulsion that keeps OCD at bay. 

First address the random comments from strangers: "you all just need to accept that you're gay and stop hiding it." or "sexual orientation OCD doesn't exist." As you can tell these types of comments from strangers can be damaging and cause even more anxiety. So let's set the record strait. "get it.....strait." 

Sexual orientation OCD is a subset of OCD. As we know, it attacks what we value and care about. It will make someone question everything about themselves. It can be their sexual orientation, make someone question if they are gay. If they are strait. If they are transgender. It makes you question if you even have OCD. Which brings us here, in this moment. 

Am I already diagnosed with OCD? Have I had other OCD themes in the past? If so, there is a good chance OCD has moved to this new theme. Do I feel anxiety and a strong urge to know right now? and I mean right now! I won't be satisfied until I know this answer....right now! If that's the case, it's likely to be OCD-related. 

Someone who is figuring out their orientation thinks about it in an inquisitive way. Not with extreme anxiety that just won't pass. To me, this is a big indication. Denial means I am choosing to push something away and not think about it. There is the key....not think about it. Someone who is denying something has this ability. Someone with OCD may not. Their brain is forcing a thought. A thought they don't want. A thought that goes against their values and their morals. It is ego-dystonic. It doesn't belong. 

But as we get so caught up in the context of am I gay or am I not; this often can be the trap. You may be watching this video right now and saying...okay Nate says, people have anxiety and can't let it go if they have OCD. Does that sound like me? I'm not sure if that sounds like me. Maybe I really am in denial. I better keep searching. So while OCD seeks this truth, it's really a lie. That's why we gain the upper hand by telling it that you're actually okay not finding the answer. It may seem so out of control that someone can accept that they will not get this answer; but just like any other theme of OCD, this is the way. This is the treatment. 

Using phrases like, "maybe, maybe not" give our brain this answer that's like...okay man....I'm accepting that I don't know and I'll learn to be okay as long as I don't continue to do compulsions. So ultimately, you may be thinking. Nate, you didn't really answer my question. I still want to know if I'm gay or not. Or if I'm strait or if I'm transgender.

Here is the real answer....the way to know is to not know. Sounds nutzo, but it's so true. To commit to not figuring this out is the key. To live your life the way YOU want to live your life. To not stop yourself from moving forward. To not engage with the thought of, "am I gay or not."
To commit and I really mean commit, 100% that I am not going to figure this out anymore. I'm going to stop researching, asking on forums, engaging with my rumination or asking for reassurance.

What ends up happening is one of two things. The theme moves to something else, all of a sudden I'm worried about car emissions and if they are hurting my lungs; or your brain simply doesn't care to find the answer and stops bothering you about it. Think about this, the only reason words have meaning is because we put meaning to it. When you've stripped it all way. It's got nothing left. Your job is to live your life. Move forward, Feel the anxiety and make it your buddy. Commit to not know. To gain even a better understanding of treatment, make sure you watch this video, where I go through the treatment for sexual orientation OCD

Homosexual OCD Treatment

HOCD Treatment

It's time to recover. Let me help you!

Master Your OCD 

A guided step-by-step OCD course that teaches you how to lower anxiety, overthinking, and compulsions.

Learn all the OCD tricks and create a customized game plan to stay one step ahead. 


Try for free

Extra support for your OCD

-For OCD sufferers, parents, spouses, etc.

-Monthly LIVE Q&A with Nathan Peterson

-LIVE chat with others

-Monthly challenges to stay accountable

-Early access to YouTube videos

-Get discounts on Merch

Sign up now

Rise From Depression

Self-guided course to help you kick depression to the curb and live life the way you want to. 

Learn the evidence treatment skills that is proven to work for depression.


Try for free

How to Support Someone with OCD

Finally learn how to help your loved one with OCD.

Build confidence, set boundaries, and work together effectively.

Sign up now

Overcome Hair Pulling & Skin Picking

Step-by-step course that teaches you how to stop pulling hair and stop picking skin.

Learn the evidence treatment skills to help you overcome your BFRB.


Try for free


Ready to slay your OCD like a hero?

Let me show you LIVE how I do OCD treatment step-by-step. It's authentic and real. See the question and answer at the end.



Sign up now

OCD and Anxiety Shop

To help remind yourself of your treatment goals, check out the OCD and anxiety merch.


Show yourself that you're worth it and that you can do hard things.



Visit the shop