5 Mistakes That Make ERP Not Work (And How to Fix Them)
ERP isn't working for you. Not because ERP doesn't work—it does—but maybe because you're making one of these 5 common mistakes.
And I hesitate to say the word "wrong." So before you get defensive, I need you to know: Everyone does this. Almost everyone.
There are 5 mistakes that are pretty common. They're very sneaky. Even people who've been in treatment for months miss them.
Maybe you read this whole thing and you're like: "I'm golden. I don't do any of these." Good job.
Leaving the Exposure Too Early
You do the exposure. The anxiety spikes. And then you bail the second you get uncomfortable.
Why This Is a Problem
When you do this, you're teaching your brain:
It doesn't get the chance to learn that the fear might have actually been wrong.
Two Methods for Staying in the Exposure
1. The Habituation Method
Stay in the exposure until the anxiety drops by at least half of where the peak was.
It's going to come down naturally. Maybe that takes 5 minutes, 10 minutes. But you're going to stay with this exposure:
- You're doing the action
- You're using a response
- You're really trying not to do the compulsion in the moment
2. Inhibitory Learning
My job is just to retrain the brain. I don't care about the anxiety. It doesn't matter.
I can do the exposure for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes. If my anxiety is still high by the time I'm done? That's okay.
I'm not bailing because of the anxiety. I'm bailing hopefully because I'm just bored.
Still Doing Compulsions (Especially Mental Ones)
You know this is pretty common. Everyone's doing them. Everybody's doing them.
But it's really the mental ones that people sometimes miss. Physical ones are easy to spot:
- I'm not checking
- I'm not washing
- I'm not asking for reassurance
Rumination as a Mental Compulsion
Rumination is so darn sneaky. It includes:
- Mentally reviewing
- Analyzing
- Replaying
- Undoing thoughts
- Just thinking about it
I'm not thinking about it because I enjoy it. I'm thinking about it because my brain's like:
"Well, but what if? But are you sure you did that? Did you touch it this way? Are you inappropriate? I know you moved past it, but really..."
Sometimes it's just gaining certainty by thinking about it over and over and over again.
How to Handle Rumination
I know rumination just happens. We don't have too much control over it. But you get to control how you're going to respond to it when it gets here.
It could be:
- Pushing a thought away
- Reassuring yourself: "This is just OCD. Don't worry about it."
- Problem solving
Write these down so you'll know: "The next time I do this exposure, my brain will possibly want to try one of these. And I'm not doing it."
When You Are Ruminating
Because you probably will—just let the thoughts be. Let them be there. But you're saying:
- "It's not my thing. Cool. Yeah, sure. Maybe, maybe not. Awesome."
- "So cool. Love that you're giving me these thoughts right now, man."
- "You're welcome to join while I'm here at lunch. Awesome."
- "You think I touched that thing? Amazing. I probably did. Hope so."
- "Am I going to die now? Maybe. Anything's possible."
Avoiding the Real Fear
You're exposing to the surface-level triggers, but not really the core fear.
What's a Core Fear?
It's the deeper meaning behind your obsession:
- What does contamination mean for you?
- What does harm OCD mean?
- What does relationship OCD mean?
It's not just about making the wrong choice.
Example: Contamination OCD
You're touching the doorknob. But the real fear is: "I'll die alone in a hospital. No one will be with me."
So yeah, we're doing contamination exposures. But we're not addressing the death and the loneliness part.
We need to add that to the exposure.
How to Find Your Core Fear
Here's a quick way:
Ask yourself: "What does this mean?"
If this actually happened, my fear. Okay. And then what does that mean?
Okay. And if that happened, what does that mean?
Using Distractions or Safety Behaviors During an Exposure
You're doing the exposure, but:
- You're still on your phone
- You're talking to someone
- You're holding your breath
- You're clenching your fists
You're giving yourself an escape hatch.
"I can handle this as long as I have my distraction."
What Your Brain Learns
The brain learns: "I need to distract to be safe."
So we want to do exposures with zero safety behaviors.
Wait—Can I Use My Phone During Exposures?
Yes. Yes. Yes.
You can do exposures while you're on your phone, while you're living life.
I know I just said that, but you're not doing it as a way to distract.
How to Know the Difference
If you're just like:
"I have to be on social media right now. I have to play this game every time I'm anxious."
Often I want people just to live life. Do exposures already into whatever you're doing.
Doing Exposures Inconsistently
This one is big.
You're doing exposures when you feel ready.
- I'll do one and then wait a week
- Then I'll do another
- "Okay, I did my one exposure. Check box. All right, cool. Awesome."
What You Should Do Instead
I did that exposure. Okay, cool. Let's do it again in 5 minutes.
All right, did it again. Let's do it again in 5 minutes.
Okay, cool. Did it again. Let's do it again in 5 minutes.
Think About Anything Else
Let's say you're playing pickleball. You hit it against the wall over and over and over again, trying to hit a certain target.
People are practicing that. They're not just hitting once and walking away.
Repetition.
They're doing it 100 times a day, 200 times, 300 times a day. And it just becomes natural.
That's what we're doing with exposures.
Don't Let OCD Dictate When You Do the Work
It doesn't wait for you. Do them every day. Even if it's a small thing.
Even if you said:
"But I already went to work and I already went to the gym and I have to deal with my kids and..."
When's that gonna end? Because it probably won't. Your life is still going to keep happening.
Treating ERP Like You Have to Get Rid of Anxiety
"The only way I'm doing ERP is if I don't feel anxious anymore and I don't fear this thing."
The Better Mindset
I would love for you to say:
You're saying I'm in danger.
I'm teaching you: Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. I don't know. But I'm willing to risk it.
And I'm going to do it again and again and again and again and again.
And I still feel anxious? That's great. If I don't? That's great, too.
The Truth
Ultimately, I want you to feel better. I mean, that's what it's all about.
I can't say if you do exposures, you'll never feel better—because then why would you do it?
But the goal isn't proving the anxiety will go away.
The goal is retraining your brain to handle uncertainty.
What Changes Are You Going to Make?
As you went through these 5 mistakes, which ones are you making?
Here's what to do:
- Stay in exposures longer (habituation or inhibitory learning)
- Identify and stop mental compulsions (write them down)
- Find your core fear (ask "what does this mean?" repeatedly)
- Remove all safety behaviors and distractions
- Do exposures every day with repetition
- Stop treating ERP like anxiety removal
ERP works. You just have to do it right.
Ready to do ERP the right way?
Nathan Peterson's Master Your OCD online course walks you through the complete ERP system step-by-step.
- 67 videos covering all OCD subtypes
- Downloadable worksheets and exposure tools
- How to spot hidden mental compulsions
- Build exposures that actually work
