HOCD Symptoms
This page is the full checklist of HOCD symptoms: the obsessions, the checking, and the body reactions that make it so convincing. If you want the overview of what HOCD is and how it's treated, start with HOCD: everything you need to know.
By Nathan Peterson, LCSW, OCD therapistHOCD obsessions
- Intrusive thoughts or images about being attracted to the same (or opposite) sex
- Doubting your orientation after noticing someone attractive
- Worry that you've been "in denial" your whole life
- Fear that your relationship is a lie, or that you're tricking your partner
- Unwanted sexual images that feel disturbing
- Fear that a thought you had says something about who you are
- Worry that you'll "turn" gay or straight
HOCD compulsions
Checking and testing
- Checking how you feel when you see someone, over and over
- "Testing" yourself by looking at people, photos, or porn
- Checking whether you still feel attracted to your partner
Mental compulsions
- Reviewing past relationships, crushes, or memories for clues
- Mentally arguing with the thought until it feels settled
- Comparing yourself to gay or straight people you know
Reassurance and avoidance
- Asking friends or a partner if they think you're gay or straight
- Taking online "am I gay" quizzes or reading coming-out stories to compare
- Avoiding same-sex friends, locker rooms, shows, or certain topics
Mental compulsions are the easiest to miss. If you spend hours "figuring it out" in your head, that counts.
Body reactions and the groinal response
The symptom that scares people with HOCD most is a reaction in the body. You look, you check, and you feel something, or you think you do. That's sometimes called a groinal response.
Your body reacts to whatever you're focused on, and checking puts all your focus there. Anxiety can also feel a lot like arousal. A reaction during a check doesn't tell you anything about your orientation. Checking for it, or checking that it didn't happen, keeps the loop going.
Spikes and how symptoms change
HOCD tends to come in waves, sometimes called spikes. A show, a comment, or a stressful week can set one off, and the doubt feels brand new even if you've been through it ten times. The theme can also shift, from attraction to memories to whether your relationship is real. The pattern stays the same: a doubt, then a ritual to try to be sure.
What to do with this list
If a lot of this fits, it could possibly be HOCD. A therapist who treats OCD can tell you for sure, and the free OCD test is a quick place to start. For how HOCD is treated, see HOCD treatment.
I know, reading a symptom list can turn into another check. If you catch yourself scanning it for proof, that's the OCD. Close the tab and go do something else.
Next time you catch yourself checking how you felt about someone, stop mid-check. Say "maybe, maybe not," and go do something else. (Yes, your brain will try to finish the check. Let it try.)
If you want help building the whole plan, that's what Master Your OCD is for.
Common questions about HOCD symptoms
What if I feel a reaction in my body when I check?
That's common with HOCD, and it's sometimes called a groinal response. Your body reacts to what you're focused on, and checking puts all your focus there. Checking for it, or checking that it didn't happen, keeps the loop going.
Can HOCD symptoms come and go?
Yes. HOCD often comes in spikes, with quieter stretches in between. Stress, a trigger in a show, or a comment from someone can set off a new spike.
Is taking "am I gay" quizzes a symptom of HOCD?
It can be. Taking quizzes, reading forums, or comparing yourself to coming-out stories to find an answer are reassurance-seeking compulsions. They bring a minute of relief and then the doubt comes back.
How do I know if it's HOCD or if I'm questioning my orientation?
Questioning your orientation usually feels like curiosity, even if it's confusing. HOCD usually feels like dread, and it comes with checking, testing, and needing to be sure right now. A therapist who treats OCD can help sort it out.
