Best Ways to Stop Intrusive Thoughts from Taking Over Your Life
You're trying so hard not to think it that it's all you can think about. That's the trap with intrusive thoughts. You can't stop them from showing up. What you can stop is them taking over your day, and that starts with doing less, not more.
By Nathan Peterson, LCSW, OCD therapistWhat are intrusive thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts, images, or urges that pop into your head. What if I swerved into traffic? What if I said something awful out loud? What if I don't love my partner? Everyone gets them. They're a normal part of having a brain.
They tend to go after whatever you care about most. That's why they feel so upsetting, and why it's so tempting to try to make them stop.
Don't try to suppress your thoughts
Trying to push a thought away usually makes it come back stronger. Your brain has to keep checking for the thought to make sure it's gone, which keeps it front and center. It's like being told not to think about a pink elephant.
The same goes for arguing with the thought. Looking for evidence that it isn't true feels helpful, but it usually starts a debate you can't win. There's always one more "but what if."
Reframe what the thoughts mean
Having a thought doesn't mean it's true, important, or something you want. Your brain can throw out something scary without it being a message or a threat you have to deal with. And when a thought horrifies you, the horror tells you what you care about. It doesn't tell you who you secretly are.
I know, "it's only a thought" sounds too simple when it feels this loud. The goal isn't to believe it right away. It's to act like it's true until your brain catches up.
What to do instead
1. Name it
"That's an intrusive thought." That's it. No arguing with it, no figuring out what it means.
2. Let it stay
You don't have to kick it out. It can sit there while you keep doing whatever you were doing.
3. Skip the ritual
Watch for the urge to check, review, Google, ask someone, or say something to cancel it out. Those bring a minute of relief, and then the thought comes back louder. Skip them.
4. Go back to what you were doing
Not to distract yourself from the thought. Your life is still happening, and the thought is allowed to come along.
Next time an intrusive thought shows up, say "maybe, maybe not," and keep doing whatever you were doing. (Your brain will say "but this one's different." That's the thought talking. Let it talk.)
If you want help building the whole plan, that's what Master Your OCD is for.
Seek professional help
If intrusive thoughts get stuck, bring a lot of anxiety, and you feel pulled to do something to make them go away, it could possibly be OCD. A therapist who treats OCD can tell you for sure, and the free OCD test is a quick place to start.
The treatment with the most research behind it for OCD is exposure and response prevention, or ERP. It's a type of CBT made for OCD. Instead of challenging the thoughts, you practice letting them be there and skipping the compulsion. For more, see OCD treatment explained or Pure OCD.
Common questions about intrusive thoughts
Can you get rid of intrusive thoughts forever?
No, and that's not the goal. Everyone has intrusive thoughts. What changes with treatment is how much they bother you and how much time you spend on them. When you stop fighting them, they usually show up less and hit softer.
Do intrusive thoughts mean I secretly want to do them?
No. Intrusive thoughts tend to go after the things you care about most, which is why they feel so upsetting. The fact that a thought horrifies you says a lot about your values.
Are intrusive thoughts a sign of OCD?
Not on their own. Everyone gets them. It starts to look like OCD when the thoughts get stuck, bring a lot of anxiety, and you feel you have to do something to make them go away, like checking, reviewing, or asking for reassurance.
What's the difference between intrusive thoughts and obsessive thoughts?
An intrusive thought is any unwanted thought that pops in. It becomes an obsessive thought when it sticks, comes back again and again, and you feel pulled to do something about it. Both respond to the same approach: stop fighting it and skip the compulsion. See how to stop obsessive thoughts.
